Xiaoyu's Blog

Monday, December 31, 2012

Growing Up

'What is the purpose of life?'
'What/who am I living for?'
'Why am I living?'

There are more questions we asked ourselves in some point of our life; be it while we shower, while we take a shit, when we're eating, etc.
So today's post - because it's the last day of 2012, I'm going to have a self-evaluation in the past 17 years of my life.
Come to think of it - whoa - time flies really fast huh?
I've completed my 'O' levels and am leveling up to tertiary education next year.
I feel the need to do this because, self-reflecting can see how a person is like, how a person has changed or remained the same, how a person has become.
If there is a need to correct, one can refer to this & make him/her a better person.
I feel that, I need some adjustments to myself, in terms of thinking.

This will be a lengthy post, because there are categories to what I'm going to write.
But it worth a read!


Right now, I am currently having my holidays. And while waiting for my results to be out, I took up a part-time job.
It is a phone shop: offering repair services, selling non-contract phones, phone accessories.
The first day of work, I was very nervous and shy - of course, seeing my boss & my colleague.
I need to learn how to apply phone screen protector, remember the price of phones.
The skill took me more than 2 weeks to get it right.
I managed to get all the dusts out, with zero bubbles, but what I am bad at is that whenever I apply, it wasn't straight.
But now, it is better :)
My boss is gentle, and he will point out my mistake rather than scolding me.
But he also have a bad side of him ah.
My colleague, was quite okay to work with, except that he doesn't talk a lot & it's hard to communicate because of the 'age-gap' he keep emphasizing =_= (he's only 5 years older than me)
So, when there's no customers I'll be using my phone or doing nothing.
Overall, the work is not very stressful.
Except for one day I accidentally spill coffee in front of 2 customers (the cup was 2/3 full); and 2 cute guy customers came & I don't know why I because nervous and I can't apply the screen protector (it was embarrassing for me); and the other day where I accidentally broke a customer's Hello Kitty phone cover (I assume it was the real Sanrio because she said it cost her $50, don't know if she's lying or not).
Yeeeeeeap, with the exception of these misfortune (I exaggerate a lot), the job's pretty fine to me.
I don't have to wake up early in the morning, and there is a straight bus from my house's bus stop to my work place.
I'm so glad my boss hire me :)
You get to use your phone (when there's no customers) and there's a chair for me to sit, rather than waitress or cashier or clothing line or other part-time jobs where you have to stand for long hours.
The pay wasn't high but seeing how the job is not stressful & both my boss & colleague are not those bossy & asshole type, I'll satisfied with what I have now :0

Behaviour & Attitude:
I know very well I am very sensitive & have low-confidence.
Sensitive in terms of MANY aspects.
Because I can tell when my friend is being sarcastic/joking or there is a thin hidden truth in their words.
They might add 'just joking' after their comments but their tone & looks - are given away.
I'm sensitive; not stupid.
I also over-think a lot. I imagine scenarios that are possible to happen & link to many different horrible images.
Like my best friend she had food poisoning, and she didn't reply my texts for one whole day and the day before.
I thought that she's lying unconscious on the hospital bed & I was worried sick.
Another thing is that, I realised that I don't process my words before I spit them out.
Then I immediately regret what I said.
I hope to change this: one of my New Year's resolution :)

Dreams. Ambitions. Wishes.
The past, present and future.


What are my dreams and ambitions?
I thought of opening my own bakery, so seriously that I actually have new ideas & inventions for my breads.
Of course I won't reveal what are they, but believe me, the ideas I have cannot be found in Singapore.

My 2 steps to success:
1) Never reveal all your secrets.

But then I thought again, there are other successful bakeries such as, you all know, Breadtalk, Four Leaves, Crystal Jade.
I don't wanna end up having a neighbourhood bakery.
I am greedy: I wanna score high and be successful.
So then, I tossed that idea away.. :T
However, my dream of starting my own business stays the same.
I want to be like my father: don't like the idea of working under someone.
My dream job, however, shall not be revealed. Hehehe :D

As one grow up, many thing changes: their taste in music, food, clothing, etc.
I remember me telling Eve that I won't go for label stuff because it's just too costly for me; I would rather get a cheap and nice looking item.
But now... because I'm working part-time.. I couldn't help looking at those branded items.
I used to hate vegetables, but now I eat them.
I used to listen to techno songs, now it's just pop and band.
It's a wonder, isn't it?


I must say, I have achieve quite a lot in my secondary school years.
Be it academically, physically or in terms of leadership.
It is just the beginning, there are more opportunities out there for me to achieve!


I have a Dad, a Mum, an elder brother and a younger brother.
I am very fortunate that I have both my parents and I learnt to cherish them.
I am also grateful that my parents had sex and gave me two (annoying but helpful) brothers.
My Dad has a job that not many people have or think of: he works off coast.
I mean, on the sea lah.
He comes home every alternate days, sometimes comes home after I sleep.
So I feel very happy when I hear footsteps outside my house, and I will rush to open the door and welcome my Dad.
My Mum also picked up a part-time job when she sees that all of us have grown up and able to take care of ourselves.
But, lunch will never be quite the same.
Either we had outside food, or eat junk food.
That's why I always look forward to eating dinner ^-^
Mum's cooking is the best.
I see my brothers seldom talk to my father..
I love talking to my father because of his interesting stories that will never fail to capture my attention.
His kampong stories, how naughty he is, old-Granny's tales, many more.
Through conversation I then feel that I am more closer to my father :)
We rarely have family time or what, family day.
Sundays = family days? Not for my family though.
Every alternate Sunday my father comes home extra early. We would tabao food from nearby coffee shop for dinner.
While enjoying our dinner, channel 5 always have movies airing, so it's like, a very simple yet excellent time for us to be together.

I blame technology that makes us more 'distant'.
My brothers and I will coop in the room, playing the computer or using our smartphones.
Sometimes when my brother leaves his room for bathroom break or to hunt for food, my mother or father will go, 'eh? You're at home?'
It's funny and sad at the same time.
My father promised me that next year we'll go Gardens By The Bay in the early part of 2013.
I hopes he remembers it...

Looking back, my brother has grown so much, now on his attachment, soon will be enlisted in the National Service.
My younger brother will be taking his 'N' levels next year, and I'll be entering Poly.
Wow, we've grown so much!
But I also cannot deny that as my brothers & I were growing up, my parents are growing older.
It breaks my heart to see my parents having more grey hairs, & hair loss.
Everybody has to go through that stage.

I really hope for a family vacation...



Ahh, friends.
Bad friends, good friends.
I remember my VERY first friend I made (in primary school lah, kindergarten doesn't count okay) - an Indian girl, Shobana.
Every primary 1 kiddos cries when they are leaving their parents, waving goodbye to them at the school gate.
Of course, I'll be lying if I said I didn't cry.
I cried like this:

HAHAHAHAHHA no lah that's not true. Should be something like this:

Okay that poor baby.
So this friend (obviously my classmate), was sitting beside me.
She, too, was recovering from her sobbing.
We looked at each other, don't know why, we will better.
What caught me was her long hair.
I started braiding her hair (whoa hair styling genes since young!) and she love it when I play with her hair.
We then went to different class the next year..
Used to call her Banana xP

Ahh.. Primary 2.. is the year where I met my Sister - Pauline Tan :)
She and I got like this, magnet that we somehow knew we're gonna be very best friends.
We were together almost 24/7.
Actually what make me decide her to be my best friend was her long hair. Hehehehe.
I seemed to have a fetish for long hair.
Anyway, we were in the same class for 5 years!!
Is that fate or is that fate??
Then in P3, I met Peijia & Eve. I'm always with Peijia, Eve with Pauline. Then Eugenie and Xinting joined.
So 6 of us were together.
P3 & P4 were the same class, but some of us breakaway.
Peijia, Pauline & I went to the same P5 class.
Eve, Eugenie and Xinting went different class.
Ahh, this is where I met my other sister, Minyu :)
We are still close today!
Megan was in my class too. Minyu & I always hang out in Megan's house because her house is like a f*cking arcade.
PS2, Xbox, computer, movie theatre, food provided.
I enjoyed myself.
We always laugh like mad women back in school, where we don't know the word 'stress' but good friends with 'carefree'.

In Secondary school - destiny or what - Eve was in the same class as me!
We made friends with Serene & Jasmine & Samantha & Huishan & Shemin.
Due to some conflicts between us (hey, friends ALWAYS have conflicts okay), it became Serene, Jas, Eve & I.

Of course, my childhood friends.
Playing block catching, ice-and-water & colour catch & crocodile at the playground, buying bubble tea or ice batu after we sweat & were exhausted.
Memories - they were sweet.
One of my childhood friends became my 'sister' : Joyclyn (Did I spell her name correctly? ><)
I always go to her house because she lived near me but when the news of her saying she's moving, makes me gloomy. :(
Visited her new home a few times, but now, we don't see each other.

To me, friends are extremely important to me.
Even when I had a boyfriend back then, I valued my friends more than my boyfriend.
Because it is them who understand me more, are there for me when I am in need, they are like gems.
Of course, my boyfriend is there for me when I needed him, but, it's a different kind of feeling.

I am an overly-attached friend.

Ever since holidays started, I still meet up with Eve almost everyday.
Now, due to work (both of us), we see each other some days.
I was very frightened that she have new friends and they or she will stick to her.
I get jealous when I see other people getting close to her.
Except for my girlfriends (Jas & Serene), my gang, and her band mates.
Don't get me wrong: I am not a lesbian.
I just treasure her because she is one whom I cannot find easily in the world.
And it is God's will that He put her in the same school as me.
I've already 'lost' my Sister - she went Marsiling Secondary while I went to RS.
She considered going to my school but NA stream, but her Aunt insisted her going to an Express stream.
Back then she had a blog, so I kinda pester her saying I can't lose her.
She blogged saying something like: People change, things change, time change, everything changes.
That post was like a spear, jabbing into my heart. Pulling out, jabbing, pulling out, jabbing, until it's like minced heart meat.
I thought she had given up on our friendship, but I was wrong :)
We still text each other, and few texts were some heartening & touching messages. I kept them :)
Even now, I still feel jealous when I see her profile picture of her and her classmate.

What will happen next year? My best friend & I MIGHT get into the same school, but definitely different course.
New friends are inevitable: which means more bullshits, dramas, lies, backstabbing, hating :)


Ahh.. this.
I don't think I will be talking a lot about this because I am not experience and am not an expert.
I don't want to be like some 16-year-old girl talking about love or relationship on her blog or twitter as if I'm like love guru or something (oops, does it sound like someone? hahaha)
This, getting a partner, can wait.
Peijia once told me this (exact quotes): Let nature take its course.
Which I agree. Although I have someone in mind. I don't wanna friendzone him.
I just hope he will grow feelings for me! ^-^
If I were to say 3 top qualites my partner must possess, it will be:
1. Filial to parents
2. Able to provide a family
3. Capable of handling household mistakes (eg. changing lightbulb, doorknobs, fire stove, etc)

Wanted to put taller than me, but the one I have in mind is already taller than me ^-^
My qualities are very realistic right? Not like some small girls who put qualities that are, as the Teochew saying goes: AI PEE, AI CHEE, AI TUA LIAP NEE.

Okay, I am done with my 2012 self-evaluation.
This year has been a wonderful year.
I will do up a and my 2012 countdown post on New Year.
If, that is, I can wake up.
Are you guys celebrating the New Year? Going for countdown?
Whether you are counting down outside or at home, or not counting down at all, I still want to wish all of you a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Wish 2013 will have more ups than downs for you!

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