Xiaoyu's Blog

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

I feel it coming. Hard.

Hey friends and readers, I'm back.
This time, it's not an event or activities, I'll be talking about my studies. (I'm sure it won't be boring!)

I think I've received all of my Prelim 1 scripts, and I can say that the scores are horrible, lousy, below expectations and disappointing.
Especially my Amaths paper, one word: TERRIBLE.
I think I not only let myself down, I disappoint Miss Kok too.
When she handed out my paper, she commented, 'you're not performing well ah Xiaoyu, not performing to the expectations.
I was like, saddened x1000 when I saw those digits marked red on my paper.
I've always, not bragging, have high expectation in my Amaths 'cause that is one subject I like!
After receiving my exam paper, during class I felt so lethargic that it took me 2 periods of finish doing 3 Amath questions.

My English, is my second-like subject.
I remember starting of the year, before Miss Hesley took the class, Miss Jasmine Lim came to our class to say a few words to encourage us.
She pointed out some good students that usually do excel well in English, friends like Sam, Gaayathri and Ryan.
Then she pointed out to me that I have potential. I didn't expected that, I was surprised to be honest.
From her encouragement I feel that, 'mm. Miss Lim said I have potential, I must not let her down.'
In the end, this Prelim 1 I have scored so badly that all the other badly-done subjects had just cursed at me.
My classmates (most of them) were competitive, comparing marks here and there.
In my opinion, I don't like when people ask for my marks. Not because I scored badly or well done, I just feel that you got your own marks keep it to yourself. Why?
I don't ask for my friends' score, unless they ask me first then I'll reply back the question. If not, I shut my mouth.

Being competitive is good, because if you're not the least feel challenged, then you will fall behind.
Like in this cruel and cold society, if you don't compete to be the best, even if you stop to take a slight breathe, you will be eliminated from the society. (I'm exaggerating but you know what I mean)
However, there's a paper thin line between 'competitive' and 'top-of-the-top'.
Competitive is that you feel challenged, you want to fight for your grades and don't want to stay at a lousy grade. That's good because you will be a good use in the country, you contribute to the society.
BUT. 'top-of-the-top', I'll just use a picture to describe it:


Sadly, there are people like this ASIAN in the world.
Yes, I'm saying my own race, but I'm not like him.
I don't understand why Americans sees ALL ASIANS AS SMARTASS PRICKS.

I also have some friends, who are not contented with their results.
I was jokingly playing with my friend, and teased, 'waaah smart already! I don't talk to A1 students sorry!'
And then he replied, 'what A1?! I only A2 only sia!'

Be happy that you're top in the class.

Set that aside. I've got others to say.

I hate school now. I dread school now.
Every morning I'm dragging my feet to school. Dreading angry faces of the teachers, dreading the handling of new homework.
Before exams, giving us huge work load like we're some kind of workers; and non-stop tests.
After exams, didn't miss any chances - giving us MORE tests here and there.
Not enough? Eat into our recess time and break/rest time.
Every Wednesday, I'm suppose to end school at 4pm, recently, even before the start of Prelim 1, I'm only leaving the class at 5.30pm. OR SOMETIMES EVEN LATER.
How selfish can this be?

It's not long after a major exams, and I'm already doing my first tests. Wow.
Another one waits along the time, preparing to kill a little bit of me.
I know the teachers are worn out as well, trying their best to help us achieve good grades, but give us workload that are of our standard.
Are grades really that important? Aren't our mental welfare important? Do the school don't even look into what's going on with their student's thinking and feelings?
Yeah, the school talks loads of bullshit motivating us, persuading us to chase our dreams, to build good characters in the students.
Heck, its just a bunch of fakes. The more I see all these talks in assembly, the more I see the school as an evil, dark mastermind who's one and only aim is to work the student to their limits in order to achieve perfect results, then only to benefit the school's reputation.
The motivational talks are just a mask by the school and lollipops for the students to work themselves out in order to get straight As.
If you ever stepped into my school's General Office, you'll see newspapers cut-outs being framed and hung nicely on the walls.
I don't want to have these negative thoughts flooding in my head, but they just popped out as and when they like. I hate to be pessimistic.

I'm very happy that there are some very nice and caring teachers in my school, whom I'm very grateful that they are teaching us. I hope to do well in the subject that they are teaching.
Some, (actually one), DREADS TO TEACH OUR CLASS.
On Monday, this teacher thought Focus is from 2pm to 5.30pm, and complained how is she gonna survived.
Until we proved to the teacher that it was until 4pm, and you know what's the teacher's reaction?
She jumped for joy.
I'm not sure if she hates her job or hates my class. Either way, I'm pretty sure a teacher shouldn't act that way, especially in front of the class.

If stressing on grades are bad enough, my school is neglecting the Sports Group.
Many of the members in the sports CCAs are feeling that the school doesn't pay enough attention to them.
Performing Arts & Uniform Groups are the "Daddy's girl" or "Mommy's boy".
Since I see how the school look down on such CCAs, I'm just gonna ignore it. (I'm using the school as a general but if you know who/what I actually mean, it is alright)

I'm feeling the edge, I'm breaking down.

Focus Study isn't gonna help me that much.
Imagine, you wake up early in the morning and have 45 minutes of break between 6 hours of class. Then another measly 30 minutes of break before going for another wave. 3 hours of Focus Study.
Students are tiring, lethargic, sticky and even worst - after their meal they feel sleepy.
If student can't focus well, heads lying on the table, how is 'Focus Study' called 'Focus Study?'
I would rather head home after school, take a nice refreshing shower to energize myself, and maybe take a short nap before opening my books. Sometimes I don't even nap.
The school just feels that 'more, more, MORE!' is gonna help.
Does it ever work? Was there like, improvement in the student's grades?
Teachers are equally tired. Everyone's tired. And when that happens, everyone get cranky, the girls get PMS, and everybody's mood is gonna get pulled down!
I'm very sure everyone prefer to study at the comfort in their own house (except for some who can't concentrate at home).

Yesterday Sam was telling me this during one of my class:

Because the class was way too silent for a noisy class like mine.

Oh great, I have some corrections and (wow) extra homework to do! :D
I think I'm gonna bury myself in those attractive numbers and words and probably burn the midnight oil!


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